and what if this pain never stops moving through me
In My Solitude is a piece on isolation and otherness.
When designing this piece, I was thinking about my experiences surrounding lunch as a child.
I ate lunch with the same group of people everyday through middle and high school. I ate lunch with this group of people not because they were friends, but because my alternative usually meant sitting alone.
Now this is not a story to say I had no friends, because I did. I just didn’t have many, and in our school lunch was split into two groups.
This story is actually about how I was horribly unlucky and never got the same lunch with the few friends I did have.
So I sat with this same group of people for years where only one of them would ever bother talking with me. It was incredibly lonely. I often wondered why I couldn’t become closer to these girls and why I always felt so isolated from them.
I often felt ‘othered’ as a child. No place seemed to fit except the place I had in my head. I spent most of my time there daydreaming and longing for more.
Was it lonelier to sit alone, or to be alone with a table full of people?
